I hopped on my computer this afternoon to write the second post in my series about making 2015 matter- making it our best year yet- but I couldn’t. I know that 2015 is going to be incredible for me…not because I can control everything, but because I’ve changed my perspective, and have a plan. However, the past few months have been some of the most challenging of my life, and I decided to write a post about that.
I blog, because I love to write- it helps me process my feelings. However, I also blog, because I hope to help others. I know I’m not alone in my struggles or my victories, and I have found blogging to be a way to connect with others. But, to do that, I have to be vulnerable, and that is so hard for me. It’s easy for me to share my successes, to share when things are going great, when things are working, but it’s almost impossible for me to be transparent when I’m at a low point, and things aren’t going so well.
Well, I’m at a low point, a really low point, and I’m hoping that this blog post helps someone else- helps you to see that the sun always shines behinds the clouds, that there is a light at the end of tunnel, and that life is full of seasons, and this too shall pass.
Here’s a little background before I dive into the details of my current situation…
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s that effects my thyroid gland. In a nutshell, my immune system is confused, and attacks my thyroid gland instead of protecting it. Because of this, my thyroid weakens and I end up becoming hypothyroid, which causes a host of frustrating symptoms- extreme fatigue, weight gain, anxiety, dry hair that breaks off, dry skin, food intolerances, depression, skin issues, and so on…
Even though I was diagnosed with this condition during my first pregnancy, it wasn’t until a few months after that pregnancy that everything went haywire. My antibody level should be under 29, and it shot up to 566. It was terrible. HOWEVER, I was able to find an incredible naturopathic endocrinologist who pretty much changed my life. He did a ton of tests, and diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue, leaky gut syndrome, and candida, which he believed were the root cause of my autoimmune disorder. He put me on a natural protocol changing my diet, exercise, stress management, and supplements, and within 4 months, all of my symptoms had subsided, and my levels were normal. I felt AMAZING! And, I felt so inspired to help others. I know many women suffer with this condition, and I had found a solution that actually worked.
In January of last year, I decided to become a health and fitness coach with Beachbody as I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their programs, and have found so much success with their workouts, nutrition programs, and vitamin shake.
I felt like everything had come together for me. I was in the best shape of my life, the healthiest I had ever been, had found the “work” I was looking for that enabled me to continue being a stay at home while also earning an income, and I was helping other women- life was incredible.
And, then to top it all off, I got pregnant at the end of January. When I was first diagnosed with Hashi’s, I was told that it would be hard for us to conceive again, and the baby would be at a very high risk of birth disorders due to my levels being so high. So, to be pregnant with a healthy, thriving baby was just the icing on the cake.
My first pregnancy was an absolute breeze- barely any morning sickness, and my 2nd and 3rd trimesters were incredible. So, here I was thinking, how perfect! I just started this health and fitness business, and now I can help other women who are pregnant to maintain their health through pregnancy- I can document this entire journey, and it will just be so wonderful.
Everything changed within a few weeks. I came down with TERRIBLE morning sickness. I lived on our couch for the first 4 months. My pregnancy was tough. I was sick the entire time, struggled with debilitating migraines, and I dealt with a lot of other issues that are probably a little too personal to share with the online world 😉 You hopefully get my gist, though.
I ended up having to take a complete break from coaching, because I was restricted from working out, which made it pretty difficult to motivate others, and my diet went downhill fast.
However, I was due to have Adeline in October, and felt like everything would be better then. My symptoms would subside, I’d have a sweet little newborn, and I could get right back on track with my health and fitness coaching.
OK, so there’s the background information…fast forward to today…
In the past few months since I’ve had Adeline, our life as a family has only gotten more challenging.
My husband owns a seasonal, small business, and it’s been tough the past couple years. However, we thought this fall everything would go well, and we would finally be able to have some relief with our finances, and move forward.
That didn’t happen.
We, unfortunately, had a terrible fall season. Not only is it such a stress on our finances and livelihood, but it’s emotionally exhausting. We’ve worked so hard, and sacrificed so much to make this work, and it’s not going well- that stinks. In addition, we own the most perfect, beautiful little home in an amazing suburb, and have decided to sell. It’s unbelievably sad for us. We know it’s the best decision for our family, but nonetheless, it sucks in a big way.
In addition, my sweet Adeline has a terrible case of reflux, gas, and colic. She’s a pretty good sleeper at night, but she has a terrible time with her feedings, and she’s a pretty unhappy baby when she’s awake. It’s tough, and we’re trying so hard to find a formula that works for her.
In addition to that, my husband was diagnosed with Lyme disease early this fall, and we are struggling through the journey of restoring his health.
It’s been so difficult, and I can honestly say that I feel like I’m at my breaking point most days. My days generally include a baby who is screaming, a toddler who is acting out, because she’s not getting the attention she needs, and me running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to make sure the house is clean enough to show, and my husband has fresh underwear. We’ve been living on fast food, our diets are terrible. I feel like everything I stand for in this whole world of “healthy living” is on the back burner, and I am huge hypocrite.
And, on top of all of this, I am an absolute mess. Unfortunately, my autoimmune disorder is greatly affected by my diet, my level of exercise, and my stress management. I am failing in all of those areas right now.
Therefore, all of my symptoms have come back with a vengeance, my levels are terrible, and I am actually seeing a Rheumatologist next week, because I have new symptoms that are common for people with Fibromylagia- another autoimmune disorder.
So, why I am telling you all of this?
I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, and I’m certainly not trying to complain or seek pity. I’m telling you this, because I get it.
I get what it’s like to feel like your on top of the mountain, and then have everything come crashing down. I understand what it’s like to feel like you’re failing at life, and each day is spent just trying to survive. I’m also here to tell you that IT. WILL. PASS. I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine today, and I just felt like, once again, I was puking all of my problems onto her. She reminded me that it will pass. It sucks right now. It is so hard. Everyday is a fight. BUT, it will pass.
I’m also telling you all of this, because I have realized through these past few months that our health really does make or break us. I’ve been stressed to my absolute max, and am living on chocolate and fast food. I am not joking when I say that some days a Ferrero Rocher truffle feels like the absolute only thing that will keep me sane, and give me a bit of relief. I’d be embarrassed to admit how many I’ve eaten in the past 3 months. I feel like my current situation is a great excuse to treat my body like crap, and I justify it every day. Terrible.
BUT, I have realized in the past couple weeks, that it’s only making things worse.
All of my symptoms have returned with new ones added on top, and it’s getting debilitating. I’m realizing that if I don’t take control of my health, it’s soon going to take control of me, and that’s scary.
As I was crying to my husband this morning about how terrible I feel, and how depressed I’m getting, he reminded me that I NEED to make my health a priority. If I don’t focus on restoring my health, it’s just going to keep getting worse. I can’ t control my screaming newborn, I can’t control our finances, but I can control how I treat my body.
And he’s right. I didn’t want to hear that, but he’s right, so I am refocusing my energy on getting healthy.
I know we all have different problems- I know we all have different pain, but no matter what causes our stress and pain, our health does play a huge factor into how we manage it, and how we live out our life each day.
So, I’ve decided to start over. Clean slate, clean page. I am making my number one priority getting healthy. It will make me a better mom, a better, wife, and most of all, a better me. It’s a new year, and I’ve decided that my “word of the year” will be consistency. It will be my number one focus- my number one priority. I will be consistent in my daily time with the Lord, and I will be consistent with my daily health. I know that if I can at least be consistent with those two things, everything else will fall into place.
If you’re struggling with your healthy lifestyle, and it’s affecting your life in a big way, or even in a small way, I want to help. I want to join you in your quest to becoming the healthiest version of you this year, because I know the power of being healthy. I understand chronic illness, and I understand the emotional and physical stress of not feeling healthy, but I also know how amazing it is to BE healthy. I know what it’s like to wake up with energy, and a positive mood, ready to take on the day. I know what it’s like to run around with your kids, and not feel like you’re staring at that lawn chair the whole time wondering when it’s appropriate to just take a break. I know what it’s like to ENJOY eating healthy, and not crave chocolate and soda All. Day. Long.
I know how my health affects every area of my life, and I am on a serious quest to restore it permanently.
If you can relate, if you want to start over, and you want it to actually stick this time, join me.
Message me on FB or email me, and we can get started- I WILL make 2015 my best year yet, and I’d love to do it with YOU I can’t control everything, but I can control how I treat my body, and I know first hand that it makes a HUGE difference.
I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know A LOT about living a healthy lifestyle, and I’d love to help you- we can do this together, I promise